Untitled - Auden, age 14

Shock.
I hadn’t realized I’d hit the floor,
Too preoccupied with the words of the cop at the door.
She had joked about stocking up on her chocolate stash,
It didn’t make sense for there to have been a crash.

Denial.
Just two days earlier, she’d dyed her hair red,
It was impossible for her to be dead.
Any minute now, she’d ring the bell,
Relieving me from this emotional cell.

Anger.
It was all her fault,
She was why she laid dead on the asphalt.
My sister was just a young teen,
Didn’t even see the light was no longer green.

Bargaining.
I screamed at the sky,
Begging for God to trade an eye for an eye.
But everything just carried on,
She didn’t come back from where she’d gone.

Depression.
My sister was gone forever,
Her soul long lost to an unknown endeavor.
It was horrifying to see her figure in the coffin,
I couldn’t control my choking sobs every so often.

Testing.
I clutched her pillow tight,
Staying in her empty room for the entire night.
We didn’t want to turn it into a shrine,
So they boxed it all up after getting drunk on wine.

Acceptance.
My parents stopped treating me like I was made of glass,
I bit back all the retorts that seemed too crass.
My favorite thing to remember was her laugh,
I wished I could’ve written its melody down on a staff.