How to Move On in Four Easy Steps - Delaney, age 17

How to Move On in Four Easy Steps

By Delaney, age 17

1. Know that you are not alone.

There are countless others like you every day, every hour, every minute. You will feel like you are a special case, like your story doesn’t stack up to the rest, but every day, every hour, every minute, there’s another face in the circle. Another face in the mirror that doesn’t recognize itself, another above-ground grave robbery. Our bodies are not ours but at least we can own this, the past, every day, every hour, every minute. You will feel alone. It was worse for them and it wasn’t their fault but it was yours, all yours, and you will feel alone but you are not. Ninety-three percent says we are not our friends, ninety-three percent says you are not an exception. The world is a contest of who hurts the most but in this circle, in this day, in this hour, in this minute, we are connected by the simple fact of hurt. We will be okay.

2. Place blame where it belongs.

It does not belong to you. It does not belong to the situation or the time or the person you were but it belongs to the other one, the one whose name you’ll hate. You will almost break a rack of keychains in a souvenir shop because you will see their name and spin the rack away as fast as you can, and you will take the blame for that but this blame, this heavy, aching blame, does not belong to you. You own very little, now, your thoughts and skin and autonomy seemingly taken, and you don’t own this either. Let it go. Press it forcefully into the other one’s hands, do not allow them to let go of it. If those hands feel too much like a long past January, take it to a Goodwill and give it away. It is not yours.

3. Accept your thoughts and feelings.

Take the anger, take the grief, take the need to dye your hair and wake up tomorrow in a new city. Let yourself sit naked in the bathtub and remember the feeling of just porcelain, no skin. Lie on your bedroom floor and listen to music about love and ache. Remember the feeling. No skin. Imagine the day when you will not wake up and you will become the dirt but do not long for it. You are here, now, in this skin that you can reclaim. Allow yourself to be. Allow yourself to hurt but know that it will not be forever.

4. Be patient with yourself.

When you park outside of your best friend’s house, sit in the car for a moment longer than you would before. Meet your own eyes in the rearview mirror and allow yourself one last glimpse of the past. The backseat is stained. You are not. Break eye contact. Take your keys out of the ignition and take slow steps up the driveway. You have all the time you need, you can be all the time you need. Take it. You own very little, now, so take this, take this time and hold it close to your chest. Breathe. Do not apologize for ending conversations prematurely, do not shrink yourself back down to that opinion-less place, do not pass go but know you will reach that break soon. Be patient with yourself. Patient doesn’t mean careful, you may be glass but you do not have to break, you are not scattered across the floor but on the shelf. Let yourself come back together. The others like you, they know you will not be the same, but don’t let that scare you. You are not the same after anything. You are not the same after looking up at the stars and you are not the same after switching your turn signal on just a little too early or a little too late and you are not the same, now, after, but don’t let that scare you. You are made of time, you are made of change. You are all the change you need.

You are here, now, and every day, every hour, every minute, we are all here, now. You will grow from this moment. You will move on.